I woke up with the fear of being alone.

I woke up at 5:53 a.m. to one of those most feared phone calls I could have in my life.
I rushed as fast as I could, not knowing if I had made it in time to save you...
I banged on your door you didn't answer, but the smell of bleach overwhelmed the hallway.
I saw them take you away in that ambulence... I thought I had lost my best friend...
I died a little more today. So many conflicting emotions, I couldn't help but go numb.

The urge to kill the asshole that broke your heart...
The urge to hold you tight and never let go...
The urge to love you with all my energy.
To vomit and cry out, my best friend tried to end her life.

You are the most awesome and beautiful living human being I've ever known to exist. Your sadness... I empathize with it. We're not fit for this world, you and I.

You mean more than anyone.
I wish I could've been more involved with your life, I wish I could just take your pain away....

If only I could be the one to love you.

but I'm just your best friend, I can't offer anymore than what our friendship has been.

I tried being strong for you today, made sure you were smiling, made sure you were comfortable and okay. I almost lost you again....

Please don't leave me :'(